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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29337915">Souls Never Truly Leave</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/KyoukaiKanata/pseuds/KyoukaiKanata'>KyoukaiKanata</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Formula 1 RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Feels, Cuddling &amp; Snuggling, Death of a pet, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Gentle Kissing, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Memories, Understanding</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 12:14:31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,215</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29337915</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/KyoukaiKanata/pseuds/KyoukaiKanata</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes nothing can take the pain away no matter how much you want it to. Or after Sebastian loses his beloved pet Kimi reminds him, even if they are in spirit alone, the souls we love never truly leave us. They can never truly be replaced. Even if a new pet comes along.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kimi Räikkönen/Sebastian Vettel</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Souls Never Truly Leave</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/CustardCreamies/gifts">CustardCreamies</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>For Emma. In memory of Bailey. </p><p>There is nothing I can really say that will take the pain of today away for you so instead I wrote this for you over the last 24 hours. I hope, if nothing else, if only for a moment, this fic can make you smile. Flying comfort hugs and all the love coming your way hun xxx</p><p>Just a note as far as I know Sebastian has never had a dog called Ben.  Ben and Blue are based on both my former and current dogs of the same names 💙💙</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sebastian had always hated this date. It didn't matter how many times the anniversary rolled around. The pain was still there. Sometimes it was never ending.</p><p>Sometimes he just felt so stupid over it. So many people had told him it was just a dog. Get over it. Or asked him just why it was taking him so long. Almost as though they seemed to believe there was a time limit to grief.</p><p>But Ben wasn’t just a dog.</p><p>He had never been just a dog.</p><p>He was more than that.</p><p>During the darkest periods in his life, especially over the last few years with the chaos of Ferrari, Ben had become his rock. His moment of sanity. Of normality, in a world that forever seemed to be changing, and in an environment that he had once loved that he was slowly growing to hate.</p><p>He loved the days, when all three had still been with them, that he and Lewis could take Ben, Roscoe and Coco for a walk and just forget about everything.  </p><p>Forget about the shit storm of a season.</p><p>Forget about the fact the world thought he was a failure.</p><p>That he was passed it.</p><p>That he should just quit.</p><p>On his hardest days when he had felt alone, and when even the love of Kimi and the close friendship of Lewis hadn’t been enough to pull him out of the darkness. Yet he only had to look into the soulful brown eyes and forever wagging black tail, to know in front of him was the physical embodiment of belief. Of belief in him. In his ability to more than what he was, to be more than what he had become.</p><p>Unintentionally, in many ways Ben had become his strength when he felt like he was drowning. When the world, the world of F1 especially, just became too much. Even four-time world champions got tired occasionally, and sometimes caring for Ben could become his escape.</p><p>Ben needed him. But Ben also wanted him. He hadn’t just wanted Sebastian to be his owner, he had wanted Sebastian to be his friend, and they had become that to each other. He had given Ben all the comfort and security a dog could want, and in return Ben had given him his love and his loyalty.</p><p>He had never forgotten the tradition every season that he, Kimi and Ben had of visiting Lewis in Monaco and spending time exploring one of the world’s, the ever-fussy Lewis Hamilton, called one of his homes. The way that Ben with his much longer Labrador legs could bound up slopes and scramble over rocks with ease. The way he had also looked so bewildered but also amused by the bulldog’s short little legs and, to him, slow stride as they panted to keep up with him. He never had fully understood why Roscoe and Coco had never played with him.</p><p>Nor the surprise paddock visits, like the chaos of the 2020 Spain race where Ferrari had completely failed him….</p><p>**********************************************************************************</p><p>
  <strong> <em> <span class="u">Spain 2020</span> </em> </strong>
</p><p>7th is not a podium, but it still feels like a victory. The strategy changes at the last minute hadn't been ideal, but he had proved to the world they were not out yet. That he wasn't out yet.</p><p>Soft tyres 35 + laps old shouldn't have even been possible, but it was and it had worked. All his years of experience and knowledge had paid off, and the reward was sweet. The points were few, and in the grand scheme of things would not change the enormous gap between him and Charles, but they were a small form of redemption. A way to prove he still has what it takes in this sport. That he can still fight.</p><p>"Sebastian!"</p><p>Turning at the call, he grinned at the sight of the figures in front of him. Britta was striding towards him, a certain silent but gentle Finn at her side and a slowly plodding ball of Labrador black fur in between them.</p><p>Ben.</p><p>It felt like a lifetime ago they had both shared this paddock and shared his dream. More often than not as he had got older Ben had remained in Germany with his family. More content to snooze in front of the roaring fire than chase his owner halfway round the world.</p><p>With a few feet to go Britta dropped the lead and Sebastian knelt and knew he would never forget the way Ben had bounced towards him. Even at the age of 13 and with arthritis crippling his joints, he had come alive when he had seen him and Ben had almost knocked him over as he collided with his chest but Seb didn't mind.</p><p>How could he mind. Ben had been with him through everything after all. Through his debut, to his championships, to now. Stiffling a laugh, Seb grinned as Ben kept trying to lick behind his ears, especially his damaged one that Ben always seemed to believe could be magically fixed by continually giving him doggy kisses.</p><p>“Hey who’s good boy.”</p><p>The loud barking that followed was enough to cause a stir, a few of the Ferrari mechanics ironically poking their heads out of the nearby garage, but he didn’t care. How could he care. The symbolism was evident.</p><p>Ferrari had forgotten him, but three of those he loved the most hadn’t.</p><p>As he continued to fuss Ben, placing a loving kiss on his nose and laughing as Ben seemed to glare at him with the expression that always said ‘Hey what the hell are you doing. Did I ask for that? No.’ Kimi crouched besides him and ran a hand through the dogs fur as he leant forwards and kissed Seb lightly. Pulling away and resting their foreheads together for a moment as he murmured, "I just wanted to say congratulations, you deserved that result.”</p><p>“It’s 7<sup>th</sup> Kimi,” Seb laughed, shifting as Ben shoved his way between them, demanding more fuss and attention.</p><p>“That’s how you prove them wrong kulta,” Kimi placed a final kiss to lips and stood up, a rare smile escaping as Ben finally had enough of waiting for Seb to give him his undivided attention and proceeded to knock him over. Sitting on his owner’s hips with a large doggy grin in place as the German world champion cursed beneath him.</p><p>“Ben, get off.”</p><p>“Ben, up now!”</p><p>“BEEEEENNNNN!”</p><p>“Kimi help!”</p><p>He could still hear Britta’s laughter in his ear now. He could still see Kimi’s amused gaze as he looked down at them and Ben’s stupid but lovable smug expression. Almost like he was saying ‘hah!’ I’ve got you where I want you’.</p><p>He genuinely loved that daft, loveable, furry rogue.</p><p>He just had never thought that only months later he would have had to say goodbye. It seemed almost ironic that as he fell from grace with Ferrari, he would also come to lose the dog that had been with him through everything. His faithful friend that had seen him through 13 years of hopes becoming reality, and then championships and even podiums slipping to once again just become a dream.</p><p>But life did like to be ironic like that sometimes.</p><p>*************************************************************************************</p><p>
  <strong> <em> <span class="u">Pre Season Testing - 2021</span> </em> </strong>
</p><p>“Seb!”</p><p>Sebastian turned at the familiar call of his name and watched as Lewis approached, feeling the ever-familiar ache in his heart at the sight off Roscoe beside him. It seemed like only yesterday there were three of them, now there was just one.</p><p>Lewis pulled him into a hug as he reached him and Seb had to genuinely try hard not to cry, as he whispered, “I’m sorry mate. I heard about Ben. You okay?”</p><p>“I’m getting there I guess,” Seb shrugged, pulling back and running a hair through his ever-thinning hair, “I just miss him.”</p><p>“I get that,” Lewis said, “The first few months are always the worst, but you’ll get through this.”</p><p>“I’m not sure how.”</p><p>“Time Seb. Just give it time.”</p><p>Lewis had smiled, but there was knowing look in his gaze. A look Seb couldn’t quite work out. It almost seemed like Lewis was planning something.</p><p>Seb hadn’t known just how true that was.</p><p>*************************************************************************************</p><p>
  <strong> <em> <span class="u">Christmas Day 2021</span> </em> </strong>
</p><p>A few months later he found out the answer.</p><p>“Sebby,” Kimi murmured as they lay curled up on the sofa on Christmas Day morning.</p><p>“Hmm,” Seb mumbled sleepily, snuggling into Kimi’s chest, loving the feels of his fingers running soothingly up and down his back.</p><p>“Would you ever be willing to have another dog?”</p><p>Sebastian tensed and pulled away, sitting and looking at Kimi in shock.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>Kimi sat up his gaze understanding as he stroked Seb’s cheek with his fingers, “You heard me Kulta, I know you did.”</p><p>Sebastian sighed, closing his eyes for a moment, “Do you want my honest answer?”</p><p>“Always,” Kimi answered.</p><p>For a moment Seb went silent as he considered his words carefully, “Maybe, but how do you know it’s time to move on?”</p><p>“Because you've grieved,” Kimi answered, “You’ve loved, you’ve missed, you’ve grieved but you haven’t forgotten.</p><p>“That doesn’t fully answer my question?”</p><p>“Perhaps this will then kulta,” Kimi kissed him deeply, tugging Sebastian closer to him as the warmth of the fire flickered around them, “Forgive me if I was wrong to do this.”</p><p>After a moment, he pulled away, easing out of Sebastian’s embrace with a final kiss and going to open the living room door. Seb frowned, confused as Kimi walked back to him and sat down next to him again, but after a few minutes a figure appeared in the doorway and Seb gasped at the sight.</p><p>It was a dog. Another black lab, and Seb eyes misted at the sight. It was so like Ben, until he stepped into the light. The dog was handsome, but clearly a mongrel, now the light was on him, his collie like head and white blazed markings on his chest and paws clearly gave away the other main breed he was crossed with.</p><p>“What is he doing here?” Seb said, looking over at Kimi in shock.</p><p>“Seb this is Blue. Blue this Seb,” Kimi pointed towards both his boyfriend and the black and white dog that was still in the darkness of the doorway.</p><p>“Blue is 4,” Kimi said to Sebastian, “Lewis heard about him through one of his charities. He has had a rough life. He was abused by his previous owners and has a damaged leg as a result. He has spent the last year in kennels in Ireland. He needs a new home, and I thought we could give him that.”</p><p>Blue approached cautiously from the open doorway, his eyes wary, at the sound of his name. Before he finally got close enough and fully caught Seb’s scent. Before either of them knew it, in total parody to Ben, the collie lab cross was jumping up enthusiastically and pushing Seb over on the sofa, before rolling off onto his side and demanding belly rubs at it’s base. Whacking at their legs with his front paws whenever they stopped as if to say, ‘Hey! Did I tell you to stop. No. Good then keep fussing me.’</p><p>Seb laughed heartedly at the sight giving into Blue’s demands for a few minutes before sitting back up, turning and kissing Kimi deeply in thanks, as the Finn murmured “Merry Christmas Sebby” against his lips and pulled him to his feet.</p><p>Together they let Blue follow them into the secure garden. The dog catching sight of the (what used to be fruit) bowl that was full of tennis balls and almost knocking them over in his haste to get out into the garden for a game. Laughing, they spent the next few hours together beginning to get to know the black and white ball of fluff with the ridiculously soulful eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“He reminds me of Ben,” Seb murmured as they sat snuggled on the sofa later that evening. Blue curled up asleep on the spare armchair next to the fire the same way Ben used to.</p><p>“I know,” Kimi said softly, “But he won’t ever replace Ben Seb.”</p><p>“I don’t want him to,” Seb whispered, swiping a hand over his eyes, as he turned and tucked his face into Kimi’s neck, a few tears escaping.</p><p>A low whine startled them both as there was a dull thud on the carpet before two paws suddenly appeared on the front of the sofa next to their tangled legs, and a head appeared between them, Blue leaning in to kiss Seb’s cheek, and wagging his white tipped tail uncertainly.</p><p>A sob unconsciously escaped Seb and Blue whined again, trying to press even closer in comfort but not quite able to get up on the sofa with them. Freeing an arm from Seb’s waist, Kimi leaned down and scooped his arm underneath Blue’s back legs, giving him a push until he was sprawled out over both of them.</p><p>Finally at the right angle, Blue began to give Sebastian doggy kisses all over his face, Seb’s tears melting away into laughter at the sensation. Pressing a kiss to the side of his head and nuzzling his neck fondly as he wrapped his arms around his waist, Kimi continued what he had been planning to say, “Remember kulta, Blue needs us now, but Ben will always be with you. Even if they are in spirit alone, the souls we love never truly leave us.”</p><p>“How can you be so sure?”</p><p>“Because they live in us,” Kimi shrugged, “They live on in the photos on our walls and the memories we can take with us wherever we go.”</p><p>“You believe that?”</p><p>“I know that,” Kimi answered, his eyes firmly gentle.</p><p>Seb looked at him and then looked down at Blue. Leaning in he buried his face into the back of the shaggy scruff of black fur around Blue’s neck and wrapped his arms tightly around him from behind. Pressing into him almost like a child holding and soft toy.</p><p>After a moment Blue tensed startled at the action, and Sebastian froze. He used to be able to do this all the time with Ben. Ben hadn’t cared. Ben had just rested his head against the side of Sebastian’s and let him work out whatever it was he had to. However long it took. Even during his occasional anxiety attacks whereby Ben had become his grounding force of sanctuary until it had passed.</p><p>But this was Blue.</p><p>Blue was no Ben.</p><p>A loud snort echoed in his ear, and Blue pulled away, almost crushing his legs as he stood up, the sofa quivering beneath him and eyed Sebastian nervously, clearly uncomfortable with being practically snuggled.</p><p>Seb closed his eyes again as sadness enveloped him. It was what he expected. It wasn’t fair to Blue after all for him to be expected to be just like him. He shouldn’t be clinging to him. He-</p><p>Whack.</p><p>Seb gasped as a paw batted him on the chest, and he looked up meet fierce brown eyes. Blue whacked him with his paw again and Seb rested a hand onto the blazed markings on his chest. Blue pressed closer, repeated the action, and dropped his head slightly, nudging his jaw against Seb’s cheek. Seb sniffled, and gasped as a featherlight lick, so soft he barely felt it, darted against his cheek. Blue licked him again and Seb sighed as he leant carefully into the warm of the dog’s chest, beginning to stroke his white furred front repeatedly.</p><p>Blue clearly wasn’t a cuddlier like Ben, making sure that the only part of him Sebastian could really reach was the front of his chest and head, but he trying to help in his own way, and for that Seb would be forever grateful.</p><p>A while later, they all moved. Seb and Blue following Kimi to the kitchen as the Finn began to prepare dinner, firstly feeding Blue and letting the dog into the garden as Seb followed Blue to the door. Wrapping his arms around himself he stood in the doorway, looking out the window and watching their new member of the family begin to explore his home. He looked back at Kimi as the Finn began to hum to himself unconsciously as he often did whilst cooking. It was a game Kimi had devised when they had first gotten together, ‘get Seb to try and guess the tune’ but before he could guess this time, a loud bark distracted him.</p><p>Turning he couldn’t help the smile and laugh that escaped at the sight, as suddenly a squirrel darted up one of the nearby trees and that was it. Blue caught sight of it and charged, almost colliding with the tree trunk as he began barking incessantly, his paws scrambling on the bark as he tried to climb the base.</p><p>Once he started, Sebastian couldn’t stop, laughing heartily into Kimi’s shoulder as the Finn appeared next to him and pulled him into a cuddle. Pressing a kiss to his cheek as Seb desperately tried to muffle his giggles.</p><p>Each pull of laughter felt like it was finally easing some of the raw pain that still remained within him. Even a year on.</p><p>Blue’s face was absolutely ridiculous, a look of total confusion and frustration at his inability to climb the tree. The lab collie cross constantly looking back at them as if to say ‘don’t just stand there, come and help me catch it!’.</p><p>What Blue would actually do if he caught it Seb didn’t actually want to find out.</p><p>“Probably get so confused he would drop it again I’d imagine,” Kimi chuckled, and only then did Seb realise he had spoken aloud.</p><p>“Probably,” Seb grinned, looking up as Kimi’s hand cupped his cheek, his blue eyes warm and full of love as he looked at him.</p><p>“It’s good to see you smiling again Sebby, I’ve missed it.”</p><p>Sebastian sighed as Kimi leant in and kissed him, wrapping their arms around each other as they tangled together completely. Breaking the kiss, Seb nudged his head under Kimi’s and pressed close for a cuddle as they continued to watch the amusing antics of the newest member of their family, as Kimi nuzzled his neck and began to place light kisses against his skin, beginning to hum once again in his ear soothingly.</p><p>Watching Blue, Seb couldn’t help to feel content again. To begin to feel a part of his soul he had felt had been missing since Ben, return to him. No Blue wasn’t Ben. But he could see parts of Ben’s soul all around them. Kimi was right, everywhere he looked as he glanced around there were the memories of all they had done together. Of the home they had built. Of the life they had created.</p><p>And perhaps, just perhaps, now, at this stage in life, he didn’t need another Ben. He needed Blue, the same way Blue needed him. The same way they all just needed each other.</p><p>Perhaps now it was time to honour the souls that had left, through the living of those that remained.</p><p>“It’s time,” Kimi rumbled quietly in his ear.</p><p>Looking up Seb pulled him into another kiss, “Yeah, I know. It’s time. Time, to let the new adventure begin.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>As always kudos and comments are greatly appreciated 💙💙</p><p>Feel free to come and talk to me on Tumblr at kyoukai-kanata (http://kyoukai-kanata.tumblr.com)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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